I couldn’t wait for the day that I owned my own home. I was the type of kid that always was playing house. Dragging away most of my mothers’ pots, pans and utensils to set up a forest kitchen of my very own. Dishes and pretend play never to be seen again after the age of 10.
At such a very young age, we start to model what we see and how others around us play, live, survive, function and plan. These are the seeds we start sowing. An unconscious, pre-planned assembly line called life as we know it. We do not question if this life we are living suits us. We do not question if the people raising us have their shit together. We do not question if their actions, reactions or responses are safe or in our best interest. All we do know, is what we are exposed too and have no idea that there maybe a different, fast, better, healthier or cheaper way to do something.
I grew up in a small town in Northern Maine. Where potato farms were everywhere. Many kids started working as soon as their feet could almost meet the gas petal. Kids were expected to work on family farms, be involved in 4H- Clubs, FFA, lug shingles, work in a local grocery store, a corner pharmacy or a all-night diner.
Looking back, I didn’t mind growing up like that. It taught us how to work hard, stay focused, budget, working towards goals, staying out of trouble, responsibility and so many other useful experiences that you can’t learn at school. However, growing up like that, as well as many other places in the world, doesn’t allow you the freedom to think for yourself. You are in the hamster wheel long before you realized it. You would then find yourself, living your parents/community’s life.
I, like most everyone, try to out run the childhood fears & traumas so I tried creating a life that would make me feel safer and in control. That meant that I married, built the house and had the kids. The house was lovely. Built including all details I wanted. Rooms and layouts, that I thought, would be just perfect for this life I dreamt of. All to hide the way I felt inside. If I’m good on the outside, I must be okay in the inside, right? There is that fantasy world I was living in.
Fast forward to several homes bought and sold, a divorce, a move to the southern part of the state was all a game changer for me.
I had now just pulled my self out of a planned life and found myself starting over but this time in reality.
In this moment, I had to ask myself, “What do you want?” My head was telling me to buy the house, build roots for our kids. I was trying to prove to them, my family and even to myself, that I have it all under control. That the house would fix all the problems. The thing is, no house, no baby, no new job fixes the underlying torment that we face every day.
We will choose things with the least resistance. Things that, if we really looked at it, we would walk away because the reality is that it doesn’t work.
Me playing “house” in the woods was a way for me to escape my reality of home life as I knew it. I was trying, just as we do now, to create a space to help sooth an emotion but it isn’t addressing the issues. Until I see or can understand what my actual childhood wounds are, this life will continue to run my life. Once I stop creating a fantasy life that is just protecting me from things I don’t want to face, I can then create a world in reality. One that I control. Not my parents nor my community. Free to dream of my dreams, not the plans and dreams of someone else.
I did start seeing the light. The more that I take the time to see what I truly want, the brighter that light becomes. The more I feel the balance. I now don’t feel like I need to keep the big beautiful house to prove something, protect old feelings or situation.
I know don’t want to prove anything. I want a manageable home, that fits my needs. A home that allows me to live the life I want. That could look like traveling, not working as much, being as creative as I want on a piece of land I own. It could mean not being tied anywhere.
My life mission now is to line up the life I want. I know it takes really diving into hard facts, like where do I stand financially? How and what do I need to get done in order to get me on a path towards that goal?
Do I need to communicate with others in my life that these changes will impact? It’s scary for sure. The rejection is hard, you may get that. That doesn’t mean you give up. Maybe compromising is a first step. Being honest is so hard if you have never really been that way. It’s never too late to start. Honesty means you’re even closer to enjoying your life.
What other areas in my life do I need to look at in order to move ahead.
Put things in perspective. Look at the way you live. Can you keep living this way, or how long do you think you can keep it up before you run out of money, a life or your sanity.
Dreams are fantasies. There are two ways to look at them. They are a way to escape reality. A way to create and manifest real things into your reality. The however, they do not come true unless you put some action into them. Dreams come to you because there is a part in you that needs or wants that. It’s up to us to be aware what a mind, body and soul are trying to tell us. Then take small steps to go towards them.
I have said before and will continue to say, it does all start at home. Think about why you picked this house. Does this still work you?
There are many other options out there if something about your homes doesn’t work. Alternative homes, locations, terms, financing that can totally change your direction. Suggestion, stop waiting. Take time to write out would be ideal and have a conversation.
Light touch Dwellings offers LifeStyles that work for you. Buy into LifeStyle Equity to start building equity in a home that suits your way of life, at the terms you need, in a community that supports the same goals and desires as you.
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